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2 hours ago i was incredibly happy
10 minutes ago i started crying
i'm always and forever a mess and a half
AND my life still kicks everyone one of yours' asses
who ever said putting others down doesnt make you feel better about yourself
was obviously just the kid who got put down
or ghandi
and just plain wrong
i'm in love
i'm clear headed for the first time in a long time
i'm ok with how i look
i have amazing friends
i'm content
i'm happy
and i'm pretty positive, my life is amazing
can say the same?
Thu, Apr. 21st, 2005, 11:25 am
i havented updated in forever
i was in the hospital twice last week
first it was back pain, got pain killers
spent most of the week in bed
or having wierd shaking fits when i went out
friday i blacked out while driving and felt like shit
i went to the hospital the next day
had a kidney infection
got put on morphine and other random shit then sent home
couldn't go anywhere all week
went out a few times this week for vaca
went out boating and rowing and smoking and walking and random chilling in parking lots etc
tomorrow i'm supposed to be going to boston
tonights beer and degrassi thursday, though there is limited beer supplies
sundays haunted mental hospital exploring
come to the show may 27th and see what happened when i book too many bands again
laaaame.
Tue, Mar. 22nd, 2005, 08:44 pm
woke up late.
showered quick
didnt blowdry/straigten my hair
looked slightly scrubby to the max
went to school, it was cute
we went outside for the last class of the day
it was cute
then me and my mummy went shopping
i got a pair of tommy jeans, a tommy shirt
a polo jeans shirt
a shirt from AE
undies from AE
a tank top from old navy
and an express shirt
they're cute and springy :)
...well some of them at least
now i'm eating my most excellent pretend BBQ ribs
they're rather amazing
i'm tired and have a busy day tomorrow
blagh.
things are a mess
i know what i want. and for once i'm not sure of how to get it.
i suck as a girlfriend and i'm pretty sure as a person in general
however, i only one of those matters to me right now
and seeing as i dont really care about most people, its probably the girlfriend one
but i'm working on that. figuring shit out, and hoping its not to late to fix things
i dont want to play things off and be nonchalant anymore
not now at least. not when its important to me etc.
and just a note
i'll be pretty content if no one ever tells me i'm beautiful again
its too big of a compliment
if it continues to happen. i'm going to have to have kategill break my nose so i'm kind of hideous.
good day sir. i said good day!
Sun, Mar. 13th, 2005, 03:25 pm
blagh.
confused. heartbroken. lonley. remoursful.
i feel terrible. i dont know if i made the right choice.
i never have regrets. and i dont want to start now.
but i have a feeling this might be a first.
i'm ungrounded this week; its important people make plans with me.
i want to go to starbucks and drive around with my best friend and smoke cigarettes while listening to mix tapes
i want to lie around in my bed and cuddle with just about anyone and watch movies or talk, or just cuddle
i just want to not feel like this.
i dont know how to be nonchalant anymore.
i dont know how to just brush this off and pretend it doesnt matter
i'm lame. wicked wicked lame. deal with it.
blagh. yesterday was totally excellent/exhausting.
i just ate too much and now i'm too full to type out all th excellent happenings
i'll write out some long story entry later
for now. i'll leave you with this
^SWP Productions AKA wicked dorks and a half^
Thu, Mar. 3rd, 2005, 09:19 pm
things aren't supposed to be like this.
the show went well
i was told i looked pretty
and did a good job
i saw alot of people i havent seen in a while
saw adam.
got yellow roses like i wanted
today was good
i wish i could seen adam for longer today
if anyone has pictures of me from tonight.
i want them
because i'm vain.
thanks.
things are excellent
i'm happy
and watching the notebook
( i'm also kinda bored )
i'm grounded for two weeks
it sucks.
today was hectic x54743907354
SWP cafe got shut down
tons of drama
gareth got it reopened with no offiliation to the project
yes.
my throat KILLS and i'm wicked tired
tomorrow i have rehersal for 4 hours
fuck.
yesterday was valentines day
adam carney kyle and i went out to eat
people came over adams later on
adam gave me a million pretty flowers
we lied around
then paddy drove me home
i almost killed myself looking for vases for my flowers
which i put in a few vases and put all around my dresser and night stand
even if flowers are just going to die in two days, they look wicked nice when they're still alive
i got my permit today
i drove from the RMV to the store then back home
didn't hit anything
i fucking rule.
i need to do laundry
and do my nails
my super sweet sixteen is on tonight at 10:30
and theres a marathon on the 26th
hawt.
beer and degrassi thursdays have been squandered by kategills need to learn to drive
lame.
i'm full. things need to get done. tv needs to be watched. sleep needs to be slept
tomorrows going to be so tireing.....
PS. i'm too sick to breath properly
so if i go into a coughing fit and pass out next time you see me
be ready for it
went to school
did some stuff
ditched mcas prep
went to the social security place to get a new card so i can get my permit
it wont get here for about 2 weeks
therefore i have to wait that long for my permit
LAME.
went walgreens
printed up pictures
got hit on by a black guy
bought hair dye
ate dinner
dyed my hair
ate tons of dots
i'm tired
but i'm not so sick anymore
woo hoo!
soo i woke up this morning at 2:30 in the morning
because it felt like someone was stabbing my brain with a screwdriver
however, it was just a raging ear infection
so i dealt with that and was on the verge of tears for a good hour then finally fell asleep
when i woke up, it hurt just as bad so i took some asprin and got ready
as usual, my classes went by painfully slow
i actually got things done
i'm productive!
then was lunch, me and kate got into a huge argument beacuse she tried to tell me glass was a liquid
this is false, and i had many authorities verify this for me
then was project
i caved and went back to fund raising
got more done in an hour than has gotten done in like a week
and found a venue for our preview night reception
and now i get the lovely task of finding set furniture for the play
YAY!!
then when i got home
i got to tape 100+ herseys kisses to coupons for my project!
wooooo hooo!!!
yeah, i rock.
i have a soar throat
an ear ache
i can't breath through my nose
or breath much at all really
my eye keeps exploding every 8 seconds
and my insomnia is in like full swing
this better clear up by friday
or someones going to die.
today was stress central
i woke up and realized i had no clean shirts
so i threw on my super old greenday shirt and sneakers and barley straightened my hair
i did my make up in the car per usual but didnt finish it
i looked like an ugly 12 year old
and felt the need to rub it in everyones face
classes went by painfully slow and i was so tired it was beond belief
then lunch, was also lame, i was too tired to enjoy an actual free period that isn't taken over by my project
so after lunch i went straight into rehersal
i'm so behind on my lines
then i went to the busniess meeting
flipped out and threw all my stuff at tim and just walked away
then i bailed on rehersal and just walked around being pouty and looking like death
after school i went out for a cigarette break then talked to linds
i basically decided if i'm not fundraising i'm leaving the project
i can act anywhere, when its less stressful and less demanding
i dont need the added stress
i do fundraising because i like putting together events
so anyway, i went to rehersal like half an hour late and we ran through the new scenes and what not
then i came home and rented ferenheit 9/11 on on-demand
it sucks. buuuuuuut i feel that i should see it just so i can be aware of how LAME micheal moore is
then i fell asleep for like 2 hours and then hung around with my mommy
and did her nails and smoked cigarettes while doing laundry in the basement
i dont feel like getting all nice looking for school much anymore
at least not this week
i'm not in the mood
i need someone to impress before i get super fat again
( you can sleep but you'll never dream )
my birthdays in 6 days!!!!!!!!
this time next week i'll be able to driiiiiive. everyone best stay off the roads for a while ;-)
so, i just got back from my grammy's
i think i'm going to explode in about .82 seconds
last night my cousin and uncle and his girlfriend came over
and we had a big dinner, and i got fatter, and it was cool
then everyone else left and me and my grammy made pizza dough for lunch today
and talked about mobsters and boston and being super italian such as usual
then i woke up this morning... well after noon, to calzones cooking
so, i had a calzone for breakfast then made my own delicious calzones
we went through all my grammy's old dresses for clothes for the play but there wasn't really too much in there
aparently she gave all her clothes away a while ago in some rummage sale for the DAR
lame.
so then we went for a drive in boston
stoped in the north end to go to mikes and pick up a million canolis for me to take home
then drove around and looked at all the differant parts of boston and complained about the roads not making sence and almost killing a million pedestrians
so after about an hour of driving in a huge circle and a million little circles she dropped me off at south station
where i almost missed my stupid train because some lady was taking FOREVER at the ticket things
then i got home, ate a calzone i brought from my grams, and some of two canolis and now i feel as if i might explode
i need a nap. i think i'm getting sick lately
if i'm sick on my birthday (wich is in 7 days) i'll be real pissed
yes, it's time for another wicked long update about the past 4 days. sooo...
Monday i did nothing, no school, sat at home and what not
so as i'm sitting in my living room watching some documentry on men that voulenterily castrate themselves i hear this crash upstairs, that roughly sounds like someone calling in a window.
sooo being the white girl from suburbia i am
i run into the kitchen, grab a knife, and lock myself in the bathroom
then i call my mom and start flipping out because i think someones in the house
so she calls the neighbor and hes not home so she calls the cops
they come and the firs thing i say when they walk in the door is 'i'm really sorry, i'm from hull'
they laughed and checked the whole house for me and concluded it was just a big chunk of snow falling off the roof.
so i watched the rest of my movie and fell asleep or something
Tuesday i woke up wicked early and went to harms
we got ready there and went to boston
we went to the prud and looked at things i can't afford with out my grammy or daddy present
got krispy kremes and smoothies from ben and jerry's and then met up with matt later on
i left soonly there after and went to the commons to walk around and look at the city and what not at night
it was wicked pretty and i spent a good 45 minutes walking around in the commons and the garden watching people at frog pond and stuff
then i got back on my train to get the south station
i though i got on the wrong train because it didnt have south staion on the map on the inside
so i got off at the next stop to switch trains because i was all panicing
turns out, i was on the right train, and now i was at the place where the trains switch to the orange line
sooooo i start getting all nervouse and looking for the green line, once i got there i found i sign for the red line and got there, and realized i was on the wrong side of the track, so after like 10 minutes i finally got to my train to south station where i had to wait like 45 minutes for my train
so i got a paper and some dots and just chilled
then i get on my train, i'm reading my paper, i check to the schedual to see what time the train gets to brockton, and go back to reading
i look out the window and the sign says 'Randolph/Holbrook'
i start FLIPPING OUT because thats the stop after mine
so i get off the train and call my mom
while im on the phone with her i realize that i read the inbound schedual when i was going outbound so my stop was next
so my mom has no idea where i am except for that i'm in randolph at a store across the street from the comuter rail stop
she tells me she'll be there in 15 minutes so i go into this convience store and the people dont speak english so they dont understand when i ask if i can wait inside so i go and wait outside
some drunk guy tries to get me to come wtih him to a bar so im not cold and that wierded me out
then like a million other sketchy peope come by and a few talk to me for a second and i call everyone in the world
so then out of the blue my mom pulls in infront of me and we talk about how much we hate the orange line and she's all flipping out because i was in the sketched out places i was all day and feeling all bad for me and what not
then i went home and fell asleep
Wednesday i woke up wicked early and went to my dads, slept for a wicked long time, then harmony came over, we sat around and did nothing all day
Today harmony and i just sat around and ate and did nothing all day, then she went to work and i still did nothing, caitie wanted to hang out but i had to get more clothes from brockton so she came for the ride
we got my stuff and went food shopping
i got a TON of food and other excellent things
we got sushi and ate it in the car and it was cool and stuff
i'm hoping we dont have school tomorrow because its going to be super pointless if we do.
honestly, whats the point in one day of school?
i'm going to go eat my wicked sweet stuffed grape leaves and stufffffff
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tired
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mel_to_the_max's journal
confused
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